its been too long . . .

yes we all know that it has been way too long since my last post. . .and i really dont have time to be blogging now, but i figured it would be a good break or a good waste of time until the hands on the clock hit that 5 mark.

so what has happened over the past month or so . . .

well i made two trips, back to back to knoxville, which was exhilarating . . .it was nice to see family and some friends the first weekend trip and just to spend some time with family that court and i both miss terribly . . . it was great to spend some time with just grandad and grandma as well . . .they drove down from ann arbor, mi . . . and then rode down with us to graduation. . .i love just sitting and listening to grandad talk and i try to retain as much as i can when he talks . . . i hope im as wise as grandad is one day.

then the next weekend was a trip with just guys, i dont really know what to call it, a spiritual retreat weekend for guys i suppose. . .but it was so nice to just relax and be away from the real world for a few days with some incredible guys. it was nice to just sit on a porch and be surrounded by the mountains, smoke the pipe, and just talk about god and life and how all of it fits together. we were also graced with the presence of an old professor of ours who came out and speak to us about jesus and what it really means to be a christian and just talk to us for a while. that night with bob felt very ancient . . . it felt like i was a part of something long ago. . . it was so refreshing to just sit at someones feet for a while and just listen, just exist, just be . . . to watch how he specifically chose every word he said . . . to be able to smell jesus that night . . . to see a glimpse of the person of jesus that night . . . so challenging and yet so refreshing.

since those two weekend trips i havent done much other than try to get ready for the summer trips . . . in the months of june and july, i am gone 4 weeks already in those two months and then in august, we'll have our family vacation and then another long weekend trip . . . getting ready for another busy summer, but it will be good.

just a short, meaningless update on my life as of right now . . . now off to go home and get ready to come back tonight.

hope you all are doing well. give me an update.

. . . spoken of things i cannot understand . . .

there are few things in life that cause me to run back towards jesus and cause me to fall in love with jesus all over again than music. music is such a spiritual thing. something happens within us when we hear a song that just simply moves us. those songs that are so simple, so raw, so true and so honest.

bill is one of those guys that simply causes me to stop what im doing and listen. listen to the lyrics. the song. listen to jesus.

thank you bill. thank you for being jesus. thank you for your music. thank you for giving me permission to love jesus by the way you love him.

give him a listen. . .this is his newest song on his blog

shalom

so i've been reading through the book of genesis and have been going through a commentary with it. i finally got the jps torah commentary on genesis and have been reading that and working my way through the creation story and once again, i've been reminded of how personal YHWH really is.

i've also been reading through the book of colossians and also have a commentary of sorts that i'm reading with that as well, colossians remixed: subverting the empire.

from colossians 1:2, paul starts off this letter with saying "grace and peace to you from God our Father."

now this idea of grace and peace has really been working its way through me as of lately.

i used to think of shalom (peace) as simply being the absence of something, the absence of war, the absence of some sort of evil or bad thing. with studying this idea of shalom from many people over the last several years, i've come around to see and understand that that is the wrong way to see and view shalom. shalom is so much more. shalom is the presence of God, of YHWH. shalom is not just taking the bad out of a situation, shalom is bringing the presence of God wherever we go. shalom has to do with blessing, richness, abundance and a far-reaching harmony that permeates and characterizes all of our relationships.

but before we can begin to think about bringing shalom, there must be grace given. grace must be given in all situations before shalom can ever enter.

grace is not something that we can earn, which we all know. fundamentally at its core, grace is relational. grace is something we receive as a gift from another. shalom can never be fully given until there has been grace given to us.

ezekial speaks of a "covenant of peace" twice, and they are both characterized by a renewed fruitfulness in the land. there is no longer hostility between humans and the rest of creation, drought finally gives way to showers, trees can be harvested again, the people of israel experience security again because they are at peace with their neighbors, socioeconomic oppression is replaced by liberation, the hungry are fed. ezekial 34 talks about all of this.

however, this shalom, this wholeness and well-being in all situations, all of our social, ecological, political, agricultural and economic relationships are rooted in a restored relationship with God.

ezekial 37:26-27 talks about how there can be a covenant of peace only because God promises; "i will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. i will establish them and increase their numbers, and i will put my sanctuary among them forever. my dwelling place will be with them; i will be their god, and they will be my people."

god gave them grace, he said he would be their god and that they would be his people. god gave grace. you see, for ezekial, peace is rooted in grace. there can only be such wholeness, such creationwide shalom, ONLY if God enters our oppressive and broken reality of life and enters it with the initiative of grace.

latest . . .

well here you go. .this is the lastest news around here. . .

so on monday nights, i guess i kind of open and run open gym at the church . . . so i've been doing that for about the last 8 months or so . . . it has been really good to get to know a wide range of guys and the majority of them are guys that don't come to church at all so thats my favorite part is to get to know guys that i others might not have a chance to . . .

well a little history for you with my athletic past . . . all through high school . . . our trainer at our school told me that i needed to either wear braces on my ankles or to have them taped before i played any sport, especially basketball . . . to no suprise to any of you . . . i haven't done that.

now i have rolled my ankles more times than i can count . . . so its nothing new . . . well this time was different . . . i went up to block someone and came down and landed on their foot and went down hard . . . and not only did i hurt my ankle i also cut my knee cause i went down so hard . . . as soon as i went down i knew it was bad . . . here is a picture of it for you . . .



well i finally went to the sports med doc . . . 3 weeks later . . . it was still swollen and still really sore and i couldn't put weight on it . . . so i figured i better get it checked out . . . the doc said i had a fracture in my ankle . . . but because i waited it was already starting to heal back together and that i had also seriously strained my tendon on the outside of my ankle . . . and that there was nothing really they could do at this point.

oh well . . . other than that . . . im ready for spring to get here so i can sit out on our porch and drink a beer, smoke my pipe, watch our dog run around and listen to some sam cooke with court . . . please hurry up and get here spring.

these are just my random thoughts and struggles i'm facing and wrestling with . . . for several months now . . .

why is it that i feel that i could probably better live out the gospel today without what we know as the church today (the building) . . .

often times i feel like the absence of the pastor, minister, or whatever you want to call them, is more noticeable than the absence of jesus in churchers today . . .

why are we so content and okay with offering sacrifices to god that cost us nothing, me being as guilty as anyone . . . "i will not take for the lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing." - king david . . .

(this is taken from the book crazy love by francis chan) . . . "when i was in high school, i seriously considered joining the marines . . . what turned me off was that in those advertisements, everyone was always running. always. and i hate running. but you know what? i didn't bother to ask if they would modify the rules for me so i could run less, and maybe also do fewer push-ups. . . somehow this realization doesn't cross over to our thinking about the christian life. jesus didn't say that if you wanted to follow him you could do it in a lukewarm manner." . . .

what is it that really holds us back from living like jesus? what is it that holds us back from giving everything up and doing what he has commanded us to do? doesn't scripture say that he will provide us with what we will need . . . something along the lines of god providing for the birds of the air, fish of the sea and the lilies of the field, how much more will he provide for his children . . .

how does living like jesus even look like today? . . .

how serious is all of this to be taken? . . .

a few sayings & quotes . . .

so here are a few quotes and sayings i've read in the last month or so that i keep thinking about or keep coming up in conversations . . . i can't seem to get away from them . . .

"For many years now I have taken to going to church less and less because I find so little there of what I hunger for. It is a sense of the presence of God that I hunger for." ~ Frederick Buechner

"We want to lower the bar of how church is done and raise the bar of what it means to be a disciple. If church is simple enough that everyone can do it and is made up of people who take up their cross and follow Jesus at any cost, the result will be churches that empower the common Christin to do the uncommon works of God. . . The conventional church has become so complicated and difficult to pull off that only a rare person who is a professional can do it every week. Many people feel that to lower the bar of how church is done is close to blasphemous because the Church is Jesus' expression of the Kingdom on earth. Because church is not a once-a-week service but the people of God's family, what they have actually done is opposite of their intention. When church is so complicated, its function is taken out of the hands of the common Christian and placed in the hands of a few talented professionals. This results in a passive church whose members come and act more like spectators than empowered agents of Gods Kingdom." ~ Neil Cole

"No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing." ~ King David

"If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear." ~ 1 John 3:17 (The Message)

we really only have one thing.

So with some of the situations that I find myself in as of the last few weeks, situations that are dealing with others and the struggles of life they are facing. I have come to see and realize many things, one being how much I love my wife and how in love I am with her. Knowing that she will always fight for us is such a comfort and such an encouragement.

But also with being in all of these situations, I've also realized that what we call the "Church" today and the "Christian faith" is really about how well we as Christians can hide our sin. Now realize I'm as guilty as anyone and I'm working on changing this, but we all do this, we all try to measure the depth of our spirituality by how little we are sinning or at least try to convince others and ourselves how little we are sinning. See the problem with this is that it causes us to live in fear, in fear that others will find out.

Derek Webb says that "the best thing is that your sin would be exposed on the 5 o'clock news." We become so tired and drained from trying to hide our sin from everyone else. You see if we, being you and me, and you and me being the people that we truly are at the core of our being, not this person that we try to get everyone to see and believe who we are, but the person that we are when its just us, all the doubts, scars, bruises and all the junk in our lives, that person. If we had our sins exposed like that, and you saw the real me or the real you, so that you could know me for who I really am, that way I didn't have the option to hide anymore, so that Jesus was really the only person and thing that I could grab hold of and hold onto.

And that's really all we have anyway.

Jesus knows our sins, as if they have been on the news, he knows you and I better than we know ourselves and he forgives us. We should take an immense amount of joy in this, in the fact that our sins are real and that our Savior is real.

You see by the time I probably finish this blog or by the time you read this, and if not by then, it will definitely happen by the time you fall asleep tonight, we will be thinking of ways to try to hide our sin from other people.

The Christian life is not about living like this. We must come to grips about who we really are and be willing to admit and confess such things before each other.

And once we admit these things and confess our struggles and then even more than that confess that they are real and even bigger than that, confess that our Savior is real. We then begin to give others around us permission to admit the junk in their life, to admit their struggles, to admit the realness of this life, to admit the realness of needing a real Savior.

Maybe we just need to start preaching and living out the Gospel and words of Jesus in a way in which we believe it. In a way that gives others around us permission to believe in it too.

"No wonder, statistically, our church is losing relevance by the day. it's no wonder we are so stagnant, we don't believe the Gospel. It has not failed us, we have just failed to believe it." - Derek Webb

. . . the almost . . .

its the beautiful things that get us. perhaps the greatest seduction is not the ANTI-GOD, but the ALMOST*GOD. poisonous fruit can look pretty tasty. thats what is so dangerous about ideas like FREEDOM, PEACE AND JUSTICE. they are all seductive qualities, close to the heart of GOD. after all, its the beautiful things we kill and die for. and its the beautiful we market, exploit, brand and counterfeit.

WE FIND OURSELVES POSSESSED BY OUR POSSESSIONS . . .
and enslaved by the pursuit of freedom. nations fighting for peace end up perpetuating the very violence they seek to destroy. serpents are slippery and slimy things.

MOST of the ugliness in the human narrative comes from a distorted quest to possess beauty. COVETING begins with appreciating blessings. MURDER begins with a hunger for justice. LUST begins with a recognition of beauty. GLUTTONY begins when our enjoyment of the delectable gifts of GOD starts to consume us. IDOLATRY begins when our seeing a reflection of God in something beautiful leads to our thinking that the beautiful image bearer is worthy of WORSHIP.

Top 5

So I've been hounded by a few people to give my top albums of 2008 and I realize that it is a little late, but that's ok, we're just 7 days into 2009 so here are my favorite albums that were released in 2008.

5 - Seeing Things - Jakob Dylan (I didn't like it the first time I listened to it, so I gave it a few more listens and now I have a hard time shutting it off and it ended up on my top 5)

4 - Fall/Winter and Spring/Summer EP's - Jon Foreman (I know those are 4 different albums in and of themselves, but they are too hard to pull apart for me and since I just did a top 5, they will have to work so get over it.)

3 - Thing of the Past - Vetiver (The title fits the music that follows when you open and place the CD in and listen. Just like a good beer, Thing of the Past is smooth and golden.)

2 - Pink & Blue - Waterdeep (If you don't know this band, shame on you. They always surprise me with a new sounding album and this one is no different. With a mix of thought provoking, trippy and melodic, upbeat, intriguing and spiritually cognitive. Give it a listen)

1 - Viva la Vida - Coldplay (Just when you think you have them figured out, you realize you don't.)

So there you have it. . .I was going to try to do a top ten but I had trouble finding albums that I liked that much to go there, so you are stuck with 5, sorry. I will give an honorable mention, Simple Times by Joshua Radin and Gossip in the Grain by Ray LaMontagne, but I just couldn't put them on the list, but thought they should be mentioned at least.

It's Christmas Time . . .

Christmas time is a time of year that I've come to really enjoy . . . and hate at the same time. I can remember as a kid and even as a college student loving Christmas, because that meant, as a kid, that I would get all kinds of gifts and as a student, that meant we got a break from school. It was a time to hang out with friends, spend time doing nothing, sleeping a lot and getting new gifts.

Well now that I'm not a kid anymore or one that attends classes anymore, on one hand, I'm ready for this season to be over. Is that okay to so say?

More than ever, this year I've truly been able to focus more on the true meaning of Christmas than I have in years past, but I hate what Christmas has become, and I think I hate it more now, because my focus has shifted, but I can't seem to get away from my old thinking because its all around me and it easily sucks me back into that mindset.

But I have learned one thing from this shift in thinking this Christmas. I have been able to read through the Gospels and the birth and life of Jesus with new eyes. I've been able to pick up things that in the past I have so easily past over. Through conversations and reading of his blog, a good friend here in town has really caused me to see the story of Jesus' birth different and I would love to share.

The statement Mary makes to the angel Gabriel, "May it be to me as you have said", could be one of the most moving statements I've read and thought about in a while. A statement of humility, of sacrifice and of surrender.

Then give or take a few years, 30 years later, we find her son, with the weight of the world on him, the torture he's endured, the pain, the fear, the isolation he feels; we find him making a similar statement, "Not my will, but yours be done."

Now I normally think, well yes of course Jesus would say that, he's the son of God. He's Jesus. But my friend Matt proposes the question that maybe it's not that simple. Maybe, Jesus was able to say that because his mother once said something like that many years ago. Maybe Jesus grew up hearing the story of his birth and of his mother making humble statements like that, surrendering her will, her life to her Heavenly Father. Did Jesus learn to give up his will because that is how he was raised?

And this is what Matt suggests, "When Mary gave herself, her future, her life’s trajectory over to an overwhelming, scary promise of God, she didn’t just set herself up for something. Instead, she gave permission to those around her, to those watching that they could do the same. She’s still giving me permission today."

Such a beautiful statement. Mary is still giving us permission today that we can give ourselves to something bigger, to this God that we so often talk about. She is showing us and challenging us to not just talk about Him, but to believe in Him, trust in Him, give everything to Him.

It's when we give ourselves to something bigger, that we give those around us permission to believe that they can do it too.

A.W. Tozer thoughts

“No man is better for knowing that God so loved the world of men that He gave His only begotten Son to die for their redemption. In hell there are millions who know that. Theological truth is useless unless it is obeyed. The purpose behind all doctrine is to secure moral action."

“Bible exposition without moral application raises no opposition….As long as people can hear orthodox truth divorced from life they will attend and support churches without objection….Much that passes for New Testament Christianity is little more than objective truth sweetened with song and made palatable by religious entertainment.”

Taken from The Best of A.W. Tozer. Your thoughts, if any?

The leaves are falling

Well yesterday after I got home from work, I started up the lawn mower that our land lord was gracious enough to leave for us to use. Started out for the first mow of the Fall season. Now if you've seen pictures of our house on Courtney's Facebook page, you'll notice that we have a nice size yard, with lots of mature tree's, which means lots of leaves.

I don't mind it so much however, I spent about an hour and a half or so mowing and picking up leaves. After I had mowed the yard and blown the leaves into a huge pile in the middle of the back yard and front yard, I grabbed some trash bags and headed back out to pick the leaves up.

This reminded me so much of my childhood that I just kind of smiled the whole time I was out working. Some of the best memories I have from my childhood are from the Fall season, running through the leaves, raking leaves with my dad, laying in big piles of leaves, playing football in the yard and hearing the leaves under your feet, diving into the pile of leaves for a touchdown.

I couldn't help but smile and think about when even more leaves pile on the ground and I rake them all up and take our dog Marley out and hide and play in the big pile of leaves.

For some reason, everything is better in the Fall.

That first weekend . . .

With the weather around here is starting to feel a little like Fall already, even though I know it probably won't last but for a few days, I can't help but already start to get in my Fall season of music.

When I come to the Fall season of music, my music makes a turn for the more relaxed, chilled style of music, even though most of my music would fall into that category, there is a clear difference.

Suddenly my intake of Ryan Adams, James Taylor, Iron & Wine, Bob Dylan, Damien Rice, Norah Jones, Martin Sexton, Ray LaMontagne and the likes of these musicians.

I can't help but think about the times when this music played such an important role and had such an influence on me. When I listen to certain songs or musicians I think of the long talks that Taylor and I would have on UT campus and enjoying the finer things in life as we sat on picnic tables or wondered around. The many dates we had with the Gooche's, the days spent on the disc golf course with Bill or on his porch once again enjoying the finer things of life. Or all the time spent downtown, at the Brewery or in the markert. Or to think about the time that was spent out on the curb at JBC, throwing the frisbee with Vaka or the trips to the mountains or the trip the guys took to Jake's house for the weekend. Some of the best memories I have.

I can't help but think of Virginia when Fall comes around. Virginia has made its mark on me. When I listen to James Taylor I think of my family in Virginia. You hear stories about how some people are glad they live far away from their in-laws. I however am the exception I suppose. I miss them. I miss getting a knock on our day and its them asking what we're having for dinner or just going over to their house and hanging out all night doing nothing really, but just being there with family. The trips we would take, even if its just across town. And by family, I don't mean just my in-laws, that includes the Maynard's, Lumia's, all of Sarah's friends, all of Ashley's friends, the Browns, Rogers, and many more of you that I'm sure I failed to mention. I miss you and its like an ache that just doesn't seem to go away at times.

When I think of family and when I think of Virginia, I think of Montebello. You have forever marked my soul. The beauty that is there, the beauty of the scenery that you find there, the beauty of the family that is there, the beauty of the conversations that take place there, the beauty of relationships that start there and that deepen there, the beauty of the solace you find there, there is so much beauty that at times it overwhelms me to even think about it, let alone see it all with my own eyes and be a part of it all.

So here's to Montebello and to the first weekend in October. I will make it back to you, but not soon enough.

Just Around The Corner . . .

So this past weekend, I spent the whole weekend with just our dog Marley. Courtney went to Port Hope, MI to see her family, with my job being one to where I work on Sunday's, I unfortunately was unable to go. So Marley and I just hung out and spent a lot of time together. We went on some drives together and she just sat in the passenger seat and stared at me, I think she enjoyed the time we spent together.

Yesterday however, I finally got a chance and went out and played golf with some friends. I actually shot pretty good, I was 6 over for 18, I shot a 77, which I was very pleased with.

While I was out on the course, there were numerous times my ball seemed to find the trees, so I had to go searching through a small forest to find my ball. I couldn't help but think of my high school days when I was out there on the course, whether in the small forest or waiting to hit the ball. All the time I spent on golf courses in high school, it brought back some memories.

I think the best memory was when I would be walking and underneath my feet I could hear the crackling noise of the leaves, it's already happening.

I could see myself walking down the golf course back in high school and it being cold enough to wear pants and a long sleeve shirt. Just me out there playing a few holes before dusk would settle. I loved going out and just being out there and just thinking and listening to the sound of the season. Yesterday, I was able to have a glimpse of what is just around the corner.

I was reminded that the Fall season is just around the corner and I couldn't help but smile and get excited.




PS - Congrats Bill and Betsy, I can't wait to meet him. :)

A few pics that I've taken . . .

I find myself missing my friends more and more. I had a good friend call me the other night and inform me of another good friend of ours having their first child. Exciting times and I can't wait until our next reunion.

Is this it?

Just a few quotes from the book Jim and Casper Go To Church. What are you thoughts and what do we do?

"Casper had a number of questions for me before, during and after each church we visited. But the one question that was far and away the most difficult for me to hear was this one: 'Jim, is that what Jesus told you guys to do?'"

"Casper could not imagine Jesus telling his followers that the most important thing they should be doing is holding church services."

"Unless we're willing to remove the handles from the front doors of our churches and publicly say to outsiders, 'We don't care what you think,' the church must become more reflective and repentant about how outsiders perceive us.

As long as pastors continue to promote 'bring a friend to church Sunday' and as long as we put 'Everybody Welcome' on our church sign, we are the ones who need to change - not our guests.

Jesus gave us a mission. I don't remember reading anything in the Bible written to missing people telling them to 'go into all the church.' They don't have a mission to adjust to us; we have to adapt for them. It's called the Incarnation."

Your thoughts?

8-18-08

I'm hoping that life will get back into somewhat of a routine with school starting for the students and summer being over. I hope that it will get in a routine to where it allows me to read more and to meet with other people more and to write more.

I met with a guy named Matt Conner, who is a local pastor here in the area and also does a lot of writing for several different websites and magazines as well and you can visit his website by clicking on his name. But I met with him and was excited to meet with him and just get to know him. I'm excited to continue to get to know him and just love meeting new people and getting to know people.

So with that said, I'm just excited to continue to get to know people both at Bethany (the church I work at) and outside of that as well.

I was doing almost my daily reading of the Rabbit Room which is an awesome website, and one that Matt writes for as well, but I check it daily and came across a few comments given by one of the writers that I'll leave you with.


~The deeper we go into our union with Christ, the more He manifests Himself in our lives. And we develop more and more a sense of responsibility about sin, and less and less of a sense of condemnation about it.~

~Holiness is a Person, and only one Person in the universe is that holiness - and He has given Himself to us to use as living Bread.~

Here are a few pics of Marley, our new dog.

So lots of new things happening in these parts of town. Moved into a new house, still renting but a bit bigger and a big back yard, which we love. However, will probably be a pain in the butt when fall comes around and we have a ridiculous amount of leaves in our yard, but it's worth it.

We also got a new dog. We were able to get a chocolate lab for free, so we couldn't pass it up. She is a great puppy so far and super cute.

For those of you that care, I tried to post the video of Courtney and I dancing from a few months ago when we did parts of the Napolean Dynamite dance, but I couldn't get it up and running, so I'll try it again and see what happens.

Cars suck.

Cars suck. Thats really all I have to say. Having to replace more on my car and it sucks. I'm going to trade in my car soon. . .I'm thinking about getting a horse.

that old radio

I was sitting out on our deck the other night. It was the perfect night. Beautiful, clear sky, a little chilly, but not too bad. I was in a chair next to my wife, she was sitting there with her hair just right, drinking a glass of red wine, just sitting there looking beautiful, not saying anything. I was drinking a beer and smoking my pipe. We were just sitting there, had our tiki torches lit, Norah Jones on the cd player. It was perfect. I can't wait to just grow old and can't wait for all the nights my wife and I will sit on the back deck and drink some wine, smoke a pipe and listen to good music.

It also caused me to miss those nights where a good friend and I would sit on his deck, smoke our pipes, play yahtzee or dominoes or just sit and have a conversation that I would soak up like a sponge. I couldn't get enough of those conversations, even though we didn't do it as much as I would have liked. But I miss those and hope those will happen one day, maybe with our kids running crazy, us on the back deck with our wives and our pipes.

"I want an old radio, everything else can go and on summer nights, we can dance together slow"