i'm tired

i'm tired.

i feel like my mind is in a constant state of training for a marathon. with working at a church and having such a love for christ's bride and believing in the church, i feel like my mind never stops thinking about where the church is today compared to what jesus had in mind for the church to be. (and i have no idea what it's really supposed to look like really, i'm trying to figure that out)

and so i'm tired.

i'm tired of thinking about it. i'm tired of talking about it. i'm tired of reading about it. i'm tired of having numerous conversations about what the church should be doing and what the church is or isn't doing. i'm tired of complaining about church and hearing complaints about the church. i'm tired.

with being in student ministry, i've been wrestling a lot of the last several months over why i'm not seeing students put things into practice. some might tell me that they've changed their thought process . . . and thats great. some might say that they start to see people in a new way and a more loving way . . . thats great too.

but i want to see a change in the way they act. i want to see a change in the things they are doing. i want to see them really start to live it.

but i've become frustrated that i haven't seen that.

and what i've come to realize is that i'm frustrated in that i don't see those same things in my life either. and i think part of that, not all because there comes personal responsibility and i'm an adult so i take full responsibility, but i part of that is because i don't see that in most adults around me and so i haven't been invested in or shown the way or the ropes of how to do those things. very frustrating but as i've said, i'm tired. i'm tired of having that as my excuse. i'm ready to start changing the system and not pass those same things that were passed onto to the next generation.

so what i've come conclude is this; i'm just going to start doing. i'm going to start to do those things i want to see happen in students. i'm going to start to do those things i want to see the church start to do.

some of the things i'm beginning to work on (and i say these things in no way to boast, just to let you know where and what i'm doing) are things like mentoring students within the student ministry. and not just in a "small group" but on a 1 on 1 basis, really investing in students lives and giving of myself to the students.

i also long to see discipleship happen in the church, in my life and in student ministry. so, with the last thing, i've also asked another guy that i highly respect as a father, friend, human being and follower of jesus to mentor and invest in me as well. i think we need to have this happen more often to where we invest in each other much more on a personal level.

i've also started to work with another church/non-profit in town to really help out with an after-school program and a "homework buddy" program and invest myself in students that need love. this could open up an endless world of possibilities as to what could come from this.

i'm also getting our student small groups plugged into the community through habitat for humanity, operation love (local food bank/clothing give away), the christian center (local mens center), local elementary schools to provide school supplies and whatever else they need in some of our "inner city" schools and i'm sure many more things to come.

and all the while . . . i'm asking people to join me. when jesus was asked if he was really the messiah, his response was basically, why don't you come and see, why don't you taste for yourself and see with your own eyes. and so i'm going to ask students, friends and anyone else who wants to come, to come and see if this jesus is real, to taste and see with your own eyes.

i'm tired of simply talking about jesus.